Timorese wedding traditions (, , ) apply to marriages on the island of Timor, which is divided between Indonesia and Timor-Leste. The wedding traditions are still followed in about half of all marriages in Timor-Leste. Ever since colonial times, there has been heated debate about the value of these traditions and the role of women in them.
Background Although there are sometimes very big differences between the languages and cultural systems of the various ethnolinguistic groups on Timor (e.g. patriarchal and matriarchal systems), there are also many similarities in their cosmological ideas and social structures.
An example of such ideas is dualism, a belief that two fundamental concepts exist in opposition to each other, such as () or (). According to that belief, the () is dominated by the male, while the sacred world of () belongs to the female, with the sacred, the , at its core. The woman runs the household and takes care of the children, while external affairs are the responsibility of the man. In principle, a woman has a high position in society, but it is precisely in the family that the man threatens to control her, especially if the couple was married young. Since Timor-Leste's independence in 2002, Timorese traditions such as these have gained influence in East Timorese politics and in society in general.
On Timor, the basis of a marriage is a contract between the families, so that the marriage is more an "alliance between two families". The terms of the alliance are negotiated by the uncles of the bride and groom.
The valuable gifts exchanged between the families as part of Timorese marriage rituals (in Tetum, also referred to as ) must be of equal symbolism and cultural significance, with objects belonging to the bride's family being considered symbolically superior, as she comes from the side believed to be the sacred source of life. The given to the bride's family is a mark of respect. It gives value to the bride and establishes her status. Not paying a is considered to be disrespect to the bride's parents. Valuables are rarely given in full on one occasion, but are gradually exchanged at certain ceremonies over the course of the marriage. This gives the bride's family some control over how their daughter and her children are treated. In addition to the exchange of gifts, there are also obligations in further ritual life and also in the death rites.
A has explained that serves to create a strong society and relationships. Without the traditions, Timorese would not be able to see the relationships between people. The traditions also protect both men and women from violence, as they are well known and everyone has an eye on compliance ().
For those East Timorese who live outside the capital city, Dili, Timorese traditions define their identity and have a major impact on life in the villages and small towns.
Rituals Most wedding ceremonies in Timor begin with the ritual (), when the family representatives meet for the first time, and the groom's family asks permission for the marriage. The bride's family is referred to as (), and that of the groom as (). Then, secret negotiations begin within the extended families as to whether the union is acceptable, what to offer, and what to demand of the other family. To ensure that a decision is made, eating is prohibited until the final decision has been made. There is then a first exchange of gifts, and the bride and groom ask for the blessing of the ancestors in the two () of the families.
The form and value of the gifts exchanged and the negotiations depend heavily on the houses and clans to which the bride and groom belong and how they related to each other in the past. The position of the bride's also plays a role, as does (quite pragmatically) what the extended family can muster. The more elite the family, the more complex and valuable the gifts exchanged. Marriage between first cousins (), and thus between the brother's daughter and the son of the sister who married outside the clan, is particularly encouraged. Marriages between clans without this relationship, or even with other ethnic groups are common, but then require lengthy negotiations.
The exchange of gifts represents the migration of lives from one family to another. It is also seen as the termination of the woman's relationship with her ancestral and the beginning of her relationship with her husband's (although there are also ethnic groups in which the man traditionally moves to his wife's family, such as the matriarchal Bunak people). In the Manufahi municipality, the groom's family must present a golden (a round metal disc worn in front of the chest) to the of the bride. This symbol of femininity is meant to replace the bride's body or spirit lost to her original . Next, a gift known as the () is presented to the mother of the bride, alluding to her needs when giving birth. This gift is repayment for her pain and suffering at the birth of her daughter. Another gift goes to the mother's brother, in recognition of the mother's family. The main gift, however, goes to the family of the bride's father, which nowadays is often disparaged as a bride price.
From the groom's family come gifts associated with wealth creation, such as water buffalo, which pull ploughs in paddy fields. From the bridal side come items produced by women, such as the cotton fabrics typical of East Timor, or pigs, which are considered soft and feminine objects and are usually tended to by the women. There are also many other objects that also depend on the respective ethnic group, including jewellery such as beads, chains or old jewellery and coins made of gold or silver. The is part of the obligation of the bride's new host family to protect her and the couple's children.
The gifts exchanged in the ritual do not usually remain with one family, but travel, like in a chain, from one to the next related family, which at least theoretically guarantees a generally accepted level of value of the gifts exchanged.
Timorese wedding traditions along the lines just described are still followed in about half of all marriages in Timor-Leste. There are certain differences between the exchanged among Timor's different ethnolinguistic groups, but most parts of the ritual outlined above are common to all. Exceptions are some of the matriarchal communities that do not practise , although these still have the "hot water and firewood" gift for the mother of the bride. In general, the bride's membership of a matriarchal or patriarchal group determines whether occurs or not. If a groom's family cannot afford an adequate , the groom moves in with his wife's family and stays at least until he has rendered adequate work in return. Traditionally, this meant working in the fields or helping around the house. Nowadays the work can consist of helping his wife's younger siblings with their education. The performance of such work leaves husbands vulnerable to exploitation and frustration. Some men who come from poor families do not marry at all and therefore do not have children, leaving them without recognition as full adults.
Recent developments Portuguese colonialism and the subsequent Indonesian occupation (1975–1999) weakened traditional culture in East Timor, but strengthened family ties and beliefs. A 1963 article reported that in order to impress or out of generosity, some families sacrificed too many buffaloes for wedding celebrations, with the result that later in the year they themselves lacked the animals for breeding or work. The Portuguese colonial administration put an end to this by limiting the number of animals that could be killed for celebrations.
Towards the end of the Portuguese colonial period, there was a violent dispute, the so-called "Barlake War" (), which lasted from 1969 to September 1970, and then again from July to December 1973. The triggers of the dispute were the poem (1969) and the novella (1973), both by the Portuguese-Timorese author , in which he concluded that was making the bride a commodity. Timorese intellectuals responded that was a far more complex social process that could not be limited to the exchange of goods.
On one side of the argument were Moura and Jaime Neves, native Portuguese who studied Timorese culture. They had come to Timor as military personnel. Opposing them were , Francisco Xavier do Amaral and Nicolau dos Reis Lobato. They were Timorese from leading families in different parts of the country, had received a Western Catholic education, and therefore had the status of . Although this categorisation had been officially abolished in 1961, it gave the men the weight they needed to debate on an equal footing with Portuguese officials. All three would later hold leading positions in Fretilin. In addition to Moura's publications, the debate was subsequently picked up as a topic by the newspaper , the church magazine and the military bulletin . Neves was an editor at and a speaker at , the local radio station. , the editor of , was another Portuguese military man, who sided with the Timorese in the debate.
After the publication of Moura's poem, in which he spoke of a Timorese woman who would have to sell her love, Araújo sent a letter to the editor of . Neves responded with several articles in , in which he practically declared the bride and groom slaves, whereupon Araújo countered with the article () in . Lobato and Amaral joined the debate. In 1973, the publication of Moura's short novella led to a heated argument between Moura, Neves and Thomáz in . Neves and Moura felt that the Timorese woman was not allowed to choose her own husband and that the "barbaric" system of was due to the supposedly subservient position of women in Timorese society. Moura advertised his novella with the sentence "a Timorese story in which the author places the emphasis on the difficult but rushing victory of the love marriage over the complex background of ." Neves saw the way out for the actually kind-hearted Timorese as being the giving up of their faith and their rites and the acceptance of Christianity. According to him, Barlake had been a Neanderthal tradition and needed to be eliminated to bring people to a Christian and civilized culture. Thomáz dismissed that contention as an anachronism, and pointed out that the Neanderthals had not been Homo sapiens.
The Timorese objected that was not disrespectful to the bride, nor was she forbidden the freedom to choose a mate. There would be no contradiction between and a love match. In addition, the exchange of gifts would honour the bride and give her value and higher status. Brides were also important as the origin of life and due to their role in the community, which is not subordinate as in African societies. This would be clearly explained by the term (). Thomáz pointed out that there were restrictions on the bride only through arranged marriages to preserve family rank. Araújo emphasized the importance of the in Timorese society as a link between families. He, Lobato and Amaral drew a complex picture of the Timorese society built on different principles, which their opponents could not understand from their European perspective. Thomáz eventually wrote to the Portuguese ethnologist for scholarly support. In his reply, Guerreiro quoted various anthropologists and concluded that "... the dowry is an instrument of marriage consolidation. It is not a commodity transaction."
In light of this controversy, it is puzzling that the first East Timorese government established by Fretilin in 1975 banned and that the party outlawed it in its manifesto. The Popular Organisation of East Timorese Women () (OPMT), the Fretilin women's organization, was founded by women like Rosa Bonaparte, who had got to know Maoism as students in Portugal and then, in their homeland, campaigned for equal rights for women, and fought against polygamy and .